So yesterday we went to Notre Dame and the Left Bank. It was the first day of bad weather we've had. I bit of rain. Not to heavy, but enough to annoy. We walked through the cathedral and we were there when noon mass began. I haven't been to church in a long time--dare I say decades. It was captivating to watch the priest and the people go through the prayers. The place is huge so the priest was using a microphone. They even have flat screen tvs--I guess for when there is a bigger crowd. We even walked by someone in confession and it wasn't like what you see in the movies where both parties are in a wooden box divided by a patterned screen. That was there, but they priest and the person were just sitting on opposite sides of a desk. The alcove had frosted glass so you couldn't hear anything or really see to much. I wonder if people don't really confess like they used to when they have to actually look at the priest. What if you see him on the streets? As much as it irritates me to see people take flash photos in the museum, it was really irritating to watch people taking flash pictures in the church. Yes, it's a world famous monument and stuff, but it's still someone's local church.

After going through Notre Dame we walked on the Left Bank which is the student area. We walked on the Boulevard Saint Michel and the Boulevard St. Germain-des-Pres. It was packed with students and tourists. We walked all the way to the Jardin de Luxembourg. Some kid had a 10 minute crying fit. And as we left we saw mini-horses walking kids around the park.

A surprising discovery happened today. Shit is closed...I mean at least around us--restaurants, small markets, even the friggin' Starbucks down the street was closed. I mean, it's Saturday, a day when most people don't have to work and have free time to go to the market or have lunch at a restaurant or something. And I mean, Starbucks, come on!!! I guess they make up for being closed on the weekends by charging you 12 Euro for a hamburger and fries. All the expensive shit on the Champs-Elysees--still open, not the cheap shit for the little people.

Anyway, we did a lot of walking but it was a fairly uneventful day.

Some stats for yesterday...

Steps taken according to my pedometer 8267

Number of glasses of wine 5

Number of souvenirs purchased 4

Vacations Are Hard Work

I love being on vacation, don't get me wrong. I could be on vacation forever. But I understand why some people go on vacation to the Bahamas to an all-inclusive resort where you don't have to do a damn thing. Vacations are hard work. All this getting up early and deciding where to go and what to see and is it too expensive...I'm thinking too much.

Yesterday we started at the Tuileries Gardens and walked to the Louvre. In the Tuileries they had modern art displayed every few hundred feet or so. It was an odd dichotomy between the old traditional gardens and some of the art work that was out there.

It costs 9 Euro to get in to the Louvre and even if you had the whole day, you couldn't see everything in that bloody place. You spend as much time trying to figure out how to get the hell out of the place as you do looking at stuff. Of course we made sure to see the Mona Lisa, which personally I think is overrated, but I guess I must be wrong considering the large piece of glass it's behind and the stanchions set up to keep people away from it.

Then we took a little bit of a walk by the river. Then later Gus and I took a walk from our apartment to the Eiffel Tower. I got a huge barbe a papa--cotton candy. They put a cup of pink sugar in a large bowl and out comes strings of yum. I got as much of it on my hands and jacket as I did in my mouth. What a mess.

Then on our walk back we passed by an outdoor photo exhibit on the Quai Branley. There were some great photographers.

I know this is short, but we're getting ready to go to Notre Dame and the Left Bank. Keeping wanting to say the West Bank--whole different place.

Some stats from yesterday...

Number of steps according to my pedometer 12781 (but I forgot it for our night walk :( )

Number of times some guy tried to sell us a flashing Eiffel Tower for one euro 8

Glasses of wine 3

Shopping, Scams, and Stereotypes

Today was our first full day in Paris. After yesterday's exhaustion I didn't even bother setting the alarm and woke up around 10-ish. We decided today we'd stay close to home and just walk

around the Champs-Elysées. We walked up to the Arc de Triomphe then walked up and down the street going in and out of stores. I got to go to FNAC! I have an obsession with FNAC. Don't know why but I have to buy at least one thing from there when I am in Paris. So I bought a CD--Mademoiselle K.

Then we went into Virgin Megastore. This Virgin Megastore has a complete bookstore in it, all subjects and books in English. They even sell art supplies--paints, canvases, sketch pads and pencils. They have a great comic collection. And a lot of the comics (Bande Desinee) are for adults. It's one of those times when there are almost too many options. I bought three comics there, including an Asterix comic. One of the authors of Asterix was going to be there signing later, but there was already a bit of line when we were leaving and there were still 2 hours to the signing and he was only signing the first 100.

And in the comic section was a book by a guy named David Heatley, who I went to high school with. That was kind of crazy to see. I know that his comic has been published in the states in some Best of American comics books, but to see it as a stand alone book and translated into French. I honestly don't think it's that it's that good, but that was still pretty amazing to see. Gus of course nearly had a conniption fit. And has vowed that if David can do it, so can he...So keep an eye out for Gus' graphic novel, coming soon to a French bookshop near you.

There is a phenomenon in Paris (although I guess it probably happens other places too, but I haven't seen it so prevalently in New York or London) with scams from people trying to get money. One is a woman who looks like a gypsy. I don't know if she really is. And there is usually a group of four or five working together and they go up to people with cameras, or speaking foreign languages, or in a long line waiting for something and then ask them if they speak English. If they say yes, they hold up a sign with a message about how they are from Eastern Europe or somewhere and need money to eat. I guess I find it strange that they ask people if they speak English, since they are in France, but I guess English is still a language that a lot of people learn even a little bit of. But also, I would imagine that people are less inclined to give money if they see it's a pack of women just going up to anyone. It seems like it would diminish the sympathy factor if there are a lot of people doing the same thing and asking the same people over and over. It, to me, makes it seem much more like a business or some sort of fishy operation, than some legitimately in need. I could be wrong though. The other thing that a lot of the gypsy women do is lay down on the ground, almost like they are praying, with a cup out. There's no sign asking for money, they don't make eye contact with people passing by. I wonder how often that works.

The really big scam though is someone who "finds" your jewelry. So same kind of person is targeted--tourist looking. A person walks past you, bends down and "finds" a gold ring on the ground next to you. Then they put their hand out and if you put your hand out and take the ring they ask you for money. If you try to give it back because you realize what they want, they don't want to take it back. They want you to keep it and give them money. And I've even seen, when someone gives them money, they ask for more. I watched this guy today walk up the Champs-Elysées, bend down, and "find" the same ring 3 times.

Gus and I walked to the Parc Monceau and I had a couple of interesting observations about stereotypes.

First, we saw lots of joggers in the park. And maybe it's just me, but I had always heard the stereotype that French people don't really like to work out and especially sneer at running in the parks. But there were a lot of people in shorts, with their ipods, huffing and puffing all of the cigarette smoke out of their lungs. And I wondered how true that stereotype really is. Not at all apparently, although it could be a recent cultural shifts...see that's why I need to live here, to discover these things. Enquiring minds want to know...

The other stereotype that still seems to have some truth to it is white children with black nannies. I know that's not exclusive to France, I see it in the states all the time, but I wonder why. Is it a wages thing, like hiring illegal workers because they are cheaper? Is it just a long standing cultural anachronism? There is a word I want to use but can't think of right now, that's used for people who are born with a bit of extra bone in their coccyx like a vestigial monkey's tail. Maybe the word is vestigial, but I don't think so. Anyway, it's an interesting bit of culture, especially in light of the riots that took place a year or two ago in the banlieues where a lot of the French immigrants live.

Anyway, tomorrow's plan is the Louvre.

Some stats for today...

Steps taken according to my pedometer 15753

Glasses of wine 5

Number of comics purchased 3

Number of joggers in full make up and reeking of perfume 1

Number of boots apparently left in flat in London 1

So Long London, Hello Paris

So yesterday was our last day in London. I went to a place called the Photographers' Gallery. They had a photographer on display named Jim Goldberg, who had some amazing stuff. A lot of his work is about illegal immigrants, human trafficking and poverty in Eastern Europe and Africa. Some of the photos had writing on it by the subject about their stories. Some had the faces scratched out or the background painted out. Some were just so sad. They also had on display some immigrant documents and journals. Some of the stories, as you can guess, were so tragic. Women taken into sex work. One man who lost his whole family in a village massacre. Here are some samples. In the first picture the writing is a translation of the arabic written on the refrigerator. In the second picture they guy is in a huge trash dump and he's holding a goat that he found there that he's going to eat. And I like how in the third picture the subject's shadow is outlined like it represents his dream.

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While I was at the gallery Gus and his mom went to Buckingham Palace.

After the gallery I did some shopping. Bought some tights--I'm gonna make that style happen. The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest is out in London!! But it's hardcover and about $30. And I didn't buy it. Now anyone who knows me, and you probably do a little if you're reading this blog...would know that normal me would be reading that book right now and a picture of the cover would be on this blog. Talk about restraint!

Then later we went to the British Natural History Museum.

That night Gus and I went to Soho and met a friend of his named Janica. They met in New York at a staged reading. And she is here in London now, working as an actress, doing commercials and stuff. Then we my friend Elvis (that's King Elvis to you) met us and took us to a club in Leicester Square called The Sound. I did a whole lotta dancing. Haven't done that in a long time.

It was fun, until...

We took a night bus and the driver told us to get off and walk a little bit. A little bit turned into a lot bit. My dogs were barking. I don't know how long it took us to get home but it was 5AM by the time we got back to the apartment. Which did not leave enough time to sleep before we had to get up, check out, and get to Paris.

Some stats from yesterday...

Number of steps taken according to my pedometer 25151

Number of Pints 5

Number of Bottles of Beer 3 or 4

Number of Drunks who told me I was stunning 1

So we are in Paris now. The apartment is great. We are 3-4 blocks from the Champs-Elysees. We have a dishwasher and a washing machine. The shower is from the year 3000.

Roll that delicious bean footage....

We are getting ready to go to dinner. Can't wait to have some wine! I worked up a nice little jelly belly with all the beers and chips (a/k/a french fries) and Cinnabon in London. When I get back it's gonna be hard to not keep eating like this. Thank god for that fitness contracts...sigh.

Not sure what we have planned for tomorrow yet.

I have noticed lately that I've had a strong urge to smoke. I think it's a combo of all of the extra drinking I'm doing and all the walking. The weather has been pretty good and it's nice--if you're a smoker--to sit outside at a bar or cafe with your drink and bullshit and have a smoke.

Also, I remember the first time I came to Europe alone I was smoking all the time. Some how it made me feel like I was less conspicuous as a tourist. I know, logically, that that isn't true at all, but I felt less self-conscious walking around alone and mildly lost if I had a cigarette. And then of course there is just the stereotype of Paris as being full of chic smokers. You can't even smoke in restaurants here anymore.

There is a distinct difference between London and Paris. Paris is old and rugged. Even though London is old too, it's very modernized. There is something about Paris that is a bit worn-at-the-heel, in a good way. The metro is definitely not as modernized as the London Underground. And I know how London people bitch about the Tube, but compared to Paris or NYC is it great. It's clean. The signage is easy to understand, clocks tell you when the next train is coming, the seats are clean and cushy. No more complaining from Londoners about the Tube! But for all of its "dinge" Paris is gorgeous. I could walk it for ages, even if the people kind of scare me. They do. I don't know what it is about them. I'll think about it. This is post is getting a bit out of hand. Good night.

Some stats from today...

Steps walked according to my pedometer 7477

Number of glasses of wine had 4

Number of flights of steps to the apartment 2

Number of holes in my gloves 2 (I still don't know how)

Number of times we got on the metro the wrong way 1

Modern Dance, Tights, The Dance of Joy, and Where's a Merch Team When You Need One?

So to follow up with yesterday. After Gus' boot got stung by a bee, we went down to the water and there we found...dancing girl. She didn't seem to be looking for money. She was just expressing herself. Unfortunately Gus' memory card was full, so I couldn't get much footage, but I think these two clips above should give you an idea.

This is the inside of the Tate Modern Museum and the rubbish eater sits in the Thames River and collects trash through a sieve I guess, kind of like a balene whale.

Some stats for today

Number of steps taken according to my pedometer 22918

Pints drunk 3.75 (one bar was having a problem with the draft beers so I had to have a Becks. That's all they had in bottle. Where am I again?)

Number of times I've used my credit card on this trip 1 (Go me with the thrift!!)

Today was all about sights. We hit Trafalgar Square, Leicester Square, Piccadilly Circus and Oxford St. during the day. And then we went to Covent Garden at night.

And for all of you ladies. Get ready for the fashion tip of the season--tights. Under long sweaters posing as dresses, under ruffled tutus posing as skirts. Under capri pants and under shorts that are just not appropriate for the weather. It doesn't matter what you were as long as you are also wearing tights. Tights are the thing--bright colored, striped, polka dotted, black. And I have to admit, I kind of like the trend so I'm bringing it back to the US of A. Tights.

Some of you will be pleased to know that I purchased Footballers' Wive$ Seasons 4 & 5 AND the first season of Footballers' Wive$ Overtime. Now, if I can just find the program to make it work on a computer. I know there is one. And here is a re-enactment of my dance when I found them. Sorry it's sidways, still kinda funny though.

Visited a Borders today. Yes, I had too. And let me tell you, there was some rugged merchandising going on. I was annoyed with myself for even thinking about it. I actually went in to buy a book. Which they were sold out of. But endcaps had one book per shelf, sections looked all disorganized with toppers and leaners. I think we should offer our services for an extended stay here in London to get that store in shape. Who's with me?

Here's some shots from today. Hope everyone is doing well. One more day here then it's off to Paris.

Tate Modern and Bee Stings

So today we went to the Tate Modern museum. It's a world renown modern art museum and unlike most of the museums in New York it's free. Well, they do ask for a donation--of 3 pounds which is like $6. But even then, there's just a box for you to put it in. Not some blue-haired old lady, or snotty Art History Grad Student sitting behind a desk frowning at you if you don't give the "suggested" donation.

Not sure how I feel about modern art. Some of it is really great and some of it makes me think I need to quit Borders and start smearing poop on a canvas.

There was a video installation by Paul McCarthy where some guy is plucking his penis like a banjo string and another guy is in his boxer on a couch rearing back like a horse and swinging around a rag--or a piece of bacon. I mean, "huh?"

There was a cool installation by Cornelia Parker where she had a room full of silverware that she'd had smashed by a steamroller and then suspended from the ceiling hanging about 6 inches off the ground.

The best thing in the museum was a piece called (no title) table and 4 chairs. It was a giant size dining set. We could walk underneath the table. It was like being a pet for a giant, just chillin' underneath the furniture.

After we got out of the museum and were walking towards the Thames a bee was flying around me. Gus swatted it away and he hit it so hard that it stung his boot and got stuck in the toe. The poor thing was probably fruitlessly squirting bee poison into his boot for about 5 seconds before he knocked it off and it died. If you tried in a million years you probably couldn't get that to happen.

Alright. Folks are waiting. Today is shopping day. Woop! Woop! So far I haven't even touched my credit cards, but today...it could get ugly.

I'll try to find some pictures of the art to post and will do some scenic shots.

Bye.

Quick Update

My arse should be in bed, so I'm just doing a quick stats report and will do a full day recap tomorrow.

Number of steps walked according to my pedometer 24375

Number of times I saw people taking pictures in the Tate Modern even though you aren't supposed to (I'm a stickler for that shit.) 6

Number of pints drunk 4

Number of trashy Brit magazines read so far 4

Number of days left in London 2

Number of holes in my new mitten/gloves 1 (don't even know how)